It's Not What You Think

My wife has great timing. Leave it to her to start a bathroom renovation project the day she gets home from the Snowpocalypse. I'm out picking up our stranded car and running to the grocery store and this is what I come home to. If she hadn't been stuck and away from me for the two days prior she would be really likely to go missing again. Admittedly, she told me this was coming but supposedly not until Spring Break. I guess a random inclement weather day is an acceptable stand-in.

I figured most of you would blame the girls, something like this post. The kids had nothing to do with it, this was all olivia. Just in case you were wondering, this is not the proper way to remove toggle bolts.  

Snow Buddy

     In case you haven't heard, we had some terrible issues with snow and ice earlier this week. A good Reader's Digest would be that we got more snow than expected, it stuck and froze, tons of people were stranded trying to get home and chaos ensued. We were lucky by comparison and while not together, all of us were warm and safe.
     I was at the rec center in Hoover when I got the call from my wife that the roads were starting to get bad. I had dropped Ruby off and Sailor was at the care center and could see the snow out the window. At this point the traffic outside was still moving fine. olivia called again and said her schools were shutting down and I needed to go get Ruby. I dashed out and quickly realized it was way worse than I could have expected.
     We decided the best course of action was for me to head home and for her to get Ruby, try and make it to the house and if she could not she could fall back to my mother's place. Those plans were best case scenarios. After a couple hours in traffic she was stranded on 31 just a couple miles away from the interstate. Mom ended up with Ruby and a friend from school. Sailor and I had a jump on the situation but in the end, it didn't matter.
     With road conditions rapidly deteriorating, the most direct route given our location was blocked with cars that could not climb what was essentially a gradual rise up a hill. This would be the first in a large series of pileups I would see over the next several hours. Doubling back we tried 6 additional routes home and all were blocked. This included a daring attempt up a steep climb that resulted in narrowly avoiding getting stuck by anchoring my rear tires on a curb and purposely spinning the fronts to right the vehicle and begin the descent post failure.
     Sailor was a champ throughout the entire ordeal. During the first half hour she slept quietly but after that she was wide eyed at the snow and asking tons of questions about what was going on. She never complained about being cold or hungry (thanks to the supply of bank suckers I keep in the center console) and was great company. The only time she seemed scared or concerned despite my increasing stress was during our backwards slide after the failed uphill climb.
     We made it back to 31 and began a slow crawl in an attempt to reach my mother's condo. With the roadways clogged and no progress being made I stopped for food and to get us a little break from the confines of our SUV. There was quite a line inside but we ended up with a hot meal and a nice break. Back outside 45 minutes later, it was plain to see as the traffic crawled and the sun started to fall that I would not make my intended destination.
     I phoned a friend nearby and we found a place to stay the night. Thankfully I was able to navigate to their place, passing a handful of cars who had not been so lucky. Again, my hosts deserve a huge thanks for the hospitality and thanks for all the people they sheltered that night. My main contribution was a cobbled together country fried steak chili, so good I might even make it on purpose sometime.
     My friend was kind enough to take us home the next day in his Jeep. He literally had purchased it in the week prior. In just under an hour we managed to make it 6 miles. I could tell he was pleased when we crested a hill and there were no cars at the top. Smart purchase, that Jeep. I found our dog and cat out of water but no accidents. Chopper is always happy to see us but he was extra excited this time but did whimper a bit that only half of us were accounted for. The above picture is Sailor napping on the couch after we got home. I almost couldn't believe we really made it and walking in the door has never felt so good.
     Throughout everything that happened, we were sure to count our blessings. There were many, many people who were not as fortunate as us. While our leadership and meteorologists failed, our strength as family, friends, and community shined. To everyone who helped us, we are forever in your debt and to those who helped others, thank you as well. This is certainly an experience that will stick with us for quite some time.

Terrible Twos

  
     Caution! Though she looks sweet and innocent, this child is a raging being of superhuman will primed to explode at a moment's notice. While normally happy and smiley, for no real reason whatsoever she will hurl shrieks, screams and tears at you kicking and undulating on the floor like some sort of banshee bent on the destruction of your very sanity.
     Try not to make eye contact as her supply of alluring cuteness knows no end. She will unleash it at will completely undermining your ability to deny more chocolate milk, a second sucker or another ride on the carousel. Also known to crawl into your lap with blanket in hand and set up camp. If this happens, forget about your chances of ever being seen again and pray that someone notifies your next of kin.
     Often seen in the company of Grandmothers who seem to strengthen her resolve. It is well know that the Grandmother species provides a steady supply of sugar and coddling. This is a partnership certain to result in exponential disaster and strengthening of inhuman tantrum resolve.
   

If cornered, we advise that you grant her wishes to be held, carried or read book after book after book after book...after book. Do not run, her facial features seem to have some sort of magnetic draw that has been found to be 100% irresistible. Despite reports or opinions to the contrary, this child is undeniably caught in the grips of the terrible twos. 

USS Flagg Revisited

While doing a little Christmas prep work this weekend (more on that later this week) I was reminded of this post. I really enjoyed talking with my Mom about it when I wrote it and doing so brought back some great memories. Well, for some of us that is. Here it is as it first appeared on December 23rd, 2011, posted in its entirety. Enjoy.

Christmas Eve and The USS Flagg

So it's Christmas Eve, the kids are asleep and the first of many beers have been opened. It is time to start Operation: Fit Plastic Into Plastic aka Operation: Shit, We Don't Have Enough Batteries. There is a decent amount for for me to assemble this year but it could never compare to The USS Flagg.

The Flagg was the GI Joe Battleship playset. The retail cost was $109.99 in 1986, roughly $215.00 today. This was the largest playset available at the time and was over 7.5 feet long. I was eight or nine according to a credible source who was interviewed for this entry (thanks Mom) and I wanted it for Christmas. My parent's hope was that I would lose interest over the span of a year but when I asked for it again, they caved. What followed was a harrowing experience...

The picture at the beginning of this entry is of my father early on in assembly. He started the night before Christmas and continued until it was evident that a single night would not get the job done. The process continued into the following day and covered a span of over eight hours. From my online research, the instruction manual was six pages long with thirty-one steps, each of which may have had as many as four steps unto itself. Two of these pages were dedicated to sticker instructions. You can see the sticker sheet in the photo above. There were two additional sticker sheets of this size to apply.

Mom remembers that my father complained about the quality of the directions. I've looked that them online and they don't seem too bad but I also realize that is easy to say twenty-five years later when I'm not sitting in front of literally hundreds of little plastic parts that I have to make a seven foot aircraft carrier out of. My father also had to work on Christmas, the last thing you would want to do after a night and morning like this one. Dad said if he knew the trouble it would have been he would not have bought it for me. He listed this as his worst Christmas ever...

To me, this was the most awesome Christmas ever! Other kids in the neighborhood could have cared less about what was under their trees...we wore this thing out. It was so big we kept it on a bed in a spare room. That's right, this toy had it's own bed in our house. It's kind of a bragging right to say that you had it, some people don't even believe me (kind of like when you say you beat Ghosts 'n Goblins on NES, but that's another story). A cook at a restaurant near the house I grew up in has made reference to the Flagg when talking to Mom about times he came to the house to hang out as a child.

At some point the fun wore off and the playset, which broke into sections, was moved to the basement. It was later sold at a garage sale for $25.00. Mom says that Dad joked that there was a thousand dollars of labor thrown in for free. It had to be loaded into the buyer's station wagon in pieces, an event that a part of me seems to remember after talking to my mom about it. On a side note, this toy has become a Holy Grail of sorts for collectors. A bad example with missing pieces and no box will sell for $500.00. A complete set, in the box, may go for a thousand or more.

Parents will do damn near anything to make their kids happy. I'm not looking forward to the assembly I have to do this weekend but I know how much it meant to me as a kid to have those things on Christmas morning and I want to give that feeling to my children. I also want them to know the REAL meaning of Christmas and the feeling of love and family. I hope you are able to share all of these things with your children and loved ones this weekend.

 Merry Christmas!

Memories of Color

So Sailor colored on the big screen television last week. No big deal. There was a time under this roof when my reaction to such a thing would not have been so calm. In fact, it reminded me of a previous post from the early days of this blog. Here it is, from December 16, 2011. Enjoy.

Coloring

Ruby likes coloring. She is just now getting to the point where she can stay (almost) in the lines. For a long time she would just make scribbles and furious lines in varying colors all over the paper. When paper got old she started coloring on other things, like the fridge or the couch or her toys. Nothing was safe from her waxy touches of self-expression.

I woke up Wednesday morning and was going about my normal routine. Things were going well, nothing out of the ordinary. Hot coffee, breakfast, computer on, olivia was out the door and Ruby was content with her cereal. Maybe I am partially to blame for what happened. I get distracted by e-mail, facebook, twitter, blogs, etc. I'm going to tell the rest of the story through the text messages that went back and forth between me and the wife. I apologize for the lack of pictures...I was a little distraught and it slipped my mind. For clarity, my texts are in yellow, my wife's in red.


     Me: Ruby colored on the f#%*ing tv...

     olivia: Oh no. 

     Me: Going.to.kill.her.

     olivia: Deep breaths.

     Me. Going

     Me: To

     Me: Kill

     Me: Her.

     olivia: Do I need to come home.

     Me: No, you'll need to be as far away as possible so you don't go down with me. 

     olivia: Remember she's only two. 

     Me: She's about to be zero...

     olivia: You better not hurt my baby. 

     Me: She hurt mine...

     olivia: lol. I'm gonna hurt you.


Thankfully it came out with a paper towel, water, and a little elbow grease. I'm glad we buy the washable, non-permanent crayons and markers. Never a dull moment... 

Bad Report

My mind is drawing a bit of a blank on whether or not I have mentioned this yet so in case I haven't, Ru and Sailor are both attending preschool part time this year. Last week, Sailor got her first bad report. While picking her up from school, her teacher informed me that she had been uncooperative, not listening, talking back, not participating and she started a fight with her sister on the playground. At home she has been flexing her terrible two muscles and pushing and testing our boundaries. Her attitude is always pretty great but their are pockets of defiance and rebellion. I have been shaming myself a bit and wondering what has made her act like this. Ruby has never had a bad report though we have had trying times with her in the home and she wasn't in preschool at Sailor's age so the situation is truly unique to us. In any case, we had a serious talk with her and before she goes back next week we are going to have another one to remind her how not to act. Lets hope this isn't the beginning of something and that this will be the last bad report of her preschool career. I am sure some will follow from k-12 but she got off to an early start.

Passing the Buck Failure

     This story is coming through second hand so forgive me if I butcher the details. Ru and Sailor are really into coloring right now and especially markers. They will find a coloring book, choose a page, ask us to rip it out and then spend a little time coloring in whatever is on the page.
      Occasionally, the marker will get on other things. Nothing major, just the couch, the walls, skin, food, etc. My how far we have come. Anyways, olivia was home with them when she noticed a pair of yellow rain boots had received the marker treatment. It was pretty clear to see who the culprit was.
     olivia got onto Ruby and told her to keep the coloring on the paper. Her quick response was that Sailor had done it, not her. Unless we missed a quick advance in Sailor's writing skills and her ability to spell her sister's name, I feel there must be a little fibbing here. I guess its never to early to learn that if you are going to do something against the rules, make sure you don't leave a trace that it was you. At least she has someone to blame things on. As an only child, there were only so many times I could blame the dog before my folks got wise.
 

Good Advice

     Thanks to some awesome friends, olivia recently jumped feet first into the late 2000's with her first smart phone, an iphone 3gs. She is really stoked on it and like most smart phone folks, she is on it all the time. This past weekend, we went to a restaurant of Ruby's choosing for her birthday. She choose IHOP for their over-sized chocolate funny face pancake which, in case you've never had the good fortune of having one, comes covered in whip cream, cherries and chocolate chips.
     On our way home, olivia realized she was missing something...her new phone. I was bummed because even older iphones aren't normally the kind of things that get turned in and since hers is unlocked, it would be very easy for someone to grab it, insert a sim, and have a nice, gently used iphone. Using my cell, I looked up the number for the IHOP and olivia called. Luckily, the phone had made its way down into the seat cushions and the manager was able to grab it for us so we could go back and retrieve it.
     The whole event had me rather shaken. I just didn't like the thought of olivia losing this phone that we were fortunate to have just received. I just kind of clammed up on the hurried drive back to the restaurant. Ruby, concerned, asked me "Whats wrong dad?"
     I replied that I was just worried about Mommy's phone and still a little upset from the close call. She replied...
     "Its ok dad. The woman has Mommy's phone and its alright. Just chill."
     olivia and I were floored. Ru's comment made us laugh and took the stress right out of the situation. I don't know how these girls developed their habit of doing the right thing at just the right time but they sure can take the edge off. I wish I was better at her casual brand of optimism. I'm hoping it is contagious and that some will brush off on me.   
 

Adjustment

     I keep telling myself it hasn't even been a week yet...we are struggling with the adjustment of both girls sleeping in the same room. We try to keep the bed time playing, talking and laughing to a minimum but the kids are determined and its common to have to go in a few times to settle them down. It hasn't helped that other changes have been taking place at the same time. Ru is out of school for the summer, olivia's schedule has changed, etc. It has been a lot to deal with all at once.
     What really makes the difference easy to see is the girls' moods the next day. Their attitudes are reflective of not getting as much sleep. This has effected nap time too so it really hits us hard some days. I do my best to quash it and it is getting better but its a process. I am hoping by the end of next week things will be closer to normal.
     It been so crazy this week we haven't even finished the furniture transitions. We looked at the calendar to schedule our Ikea trip and we have so much going on that it will likely have to wait until August unless we can squeeze it in somewhere or have something cancel. I am itching to get it done and confine all the toys to one area as opposed to where they are now...all over every available area of the house.

Fountain/Carousel Update #2

     Looks like the mall is prepping for the concrete pour. I'll also say that I'm not only standing by my estimate of the process taking twice as long as I was told but now I suspect it will take even longer. It took forever for them to get this far and they clearly have lots of other things they are trying to manage elsewhere in the mall. Like this...

     Part of new tenant Von Maur's stipulations when they came in was that the elevators be moved to the rear left side of the food court to clear up their frontage. Call me crazy but I consider this to be a terrible move aesthetically speaking. Remember that vertical space we talked about regarding the fountain? The last thing that was filling it up is about to be gone. Not to mention the glass faced elevators that used to provide a good overlook of the food court will be lost.

      To say that I am not a big fan of these renovations and updates would be an understatement. I was also surprised at the number of empty stores in the mall as well. I'm not an expert on the retail buying cycle but I would have thought stores would have been prepping for summer, not leaving. Just for the record, turning an empty store front into an advertisement for other stores is kind of silly too. I was worried when I heard the management company that killed Century Plaza had taken over the Galleria. Looks like my fears came with good reason. Hopefully this makeover isn't just polishing brass on the Titanic. 

Never turn your back...

Not even for a second.
Different days and objects, Sailor is obsessed with water and loves throwing things in the toilet.
I am ready for this phase to end.

Zhu Zhu

I walked into the bathroom earlier this week after asking the girls to go wash their hands and this is what I saw. I thought it was taking a long time so I went to check in. Roxie, their Zhu Zhu Pet, was soaking wet and covered in soap and suds. I asked Ru what had happened. She said Roxie was dirty and needed a bath. 

She also added "She isn't working anymore, I think she needs new batteries." After being submerged in water and covered in copious amounts of hand soap, she has bigger problems than her batteries. 

Public Service Announcement

Children are curious and prone to exploring. This might also include going through and experimenting with your belongings. If there is anything that is valuable, dangerous or that will leave marks (like the makeup in your purse for example) it is advisable to keep these items out of reach of your children. Failure to do so may produce less than desirable results. 

Back Seat

14 shoes, 12 socks, 3 pacis, 2 toys, 1 sippy and one bandana. 

Maybe we should bring this stuff in more often.

Falling down...

Sailor had her first real bad fall this past weekend. She was getting a little too big for some of her shoes and had to start wearing some new ones. She wasn't quite used to them and was running down the driveway to the car when she took a tumble. Usually she is good about shaking it off but this time she was pretty upset. Over the course of the evening her scrapes looked worse that I initially thought they were but she hasn't complained or let them bother her. My girls are pretty tough and I'm glad. For as active as they are and all the crazy stuff they attempt and get into, a good base of resiliency will be an asset.

Rough Week

With both girls dealing with a stomach bug, me dealing with back issues and olivia working on a deadline for a sewing project, everyone has been having a bad time this week. When one of us is having a rough one the other can usually step their game up and compensate. When everyone struggles, it all kind of just falls apart. There are so many things that have been neglected lately, going to try and play a little catch up today...and believe me, there is plenty to do. 

Bath Time

     There are times that are universally fun for the girls. Bath time is one of them. They seem to be obsessed with water and so you take a tub full and add some soap and toys and it's just party time. I don't dislike bath time and even if I did, I don't have a choice in the matter. So it is what it is.
     When you are home with a 1 and a 3 year old all day, you'll hear some scary noises. Things thump, thud, slam and smash. Occasionally your ears will play a trick on you'll hear the sound of scissors that are really just two sheets of paper rubbed together. Or you'll hear the front door close and run outside looking for a child who is actually just playing in their room. Trust me, these things happen.
     Even worse, I occasionally hear the older one say things that I am not quite sure I hear correctly and require immediate followup. Phrases like "See Sailor, the cat will fit in the microwave" or "Daddy says it's too high to jump but it's not." Usually I arrive in time to intercept. These are the good ones. On a rare occasion, I'll get one where the damage is already done and there is nothing I can do to reverse it.
     Coming full circle, last Saturday the girls were in the bath. I was enjoying a cold one with a friend and my wife was gone for the night.  Everything was going really well: the girls were safely occupied, I had some good company and the beer was great. Suddenly this all came screeching to a halt. Ruby walks into the room naked, which is already kind of a shocker, and looks at me and says "Daddy, Sailor pooped in the bath tub."
     This isn't quite a moment where your life flashes in front of your eyes but you do kind of get the feeling that your face should be quickly zoomed in on like in the movies. By the time I had registered what she said, my buddy was already laughing hysterically. You think goods friends are there to help. In this case, friends are for laughing at your misfortunes and watching you ineptly try to handle an ugly situation.
     I'll spare you the details of what I saw when I got into the bathroom. The solution was pretty easy and consisted mainly of draining and refilling the tub. It did remind me of a similar story I heard first hand a few years back. A mom was running the bath water while her child stood in the tub. She saw he was about to poop and rather than have him ruin the bath water she caught the poop in her hand.
     I guess I've got to look on the bright side. As bad as it was, it could have been much worse. What's the expression, a poop in the hand is worth two in the tub?

The Galleria's Food Court Fountain

     In case you didn't know, I am and have always been a really big mallrat. I think it stems from the fact that when I was growing up, malls were a bustling hotbed of youth activity. There really wasn't much in Birmingham for kids to do and the mall had a book store, music store, an arcade, a movie theater, Spencer's, a Taco Bell, etc. We spent a lot of time hanging out there and with the exception of the Great Silly String Battle of 1995, nobody ever asked us to leave.
     Though in recent years it has been suffering a steady decline, the Riverchase Galleria has always been my favorite local mall. Opened in 1986, I remember taking a field trip there when I was in elementary school. Before adding the Sears expansion, the mall had an impressive 1,200,000 square feet of floor space and four anchor stores. The presence of the Wynfrey Hotel and the Galleria Tower office complex made the Galleria one of the largest mixed-use projects in the southeast. After the Sears expansion, the complex grew to 1,570,000 square feet and became one of the top ten largest mixed-use projects in the entire country.
     The City of Hoover was quick to see what the tax income from the retail giant could do for the city. They shot themselves in the foot by encouraging new developments instead of working with existing structures. The result was a series of new strip and outdoor malls that have had a severely damaging effect not only on the Galleria but also the City of Hoover. The Galleria is no longer the draw that it once was. The newer establishments are more attractive to tenants as well as shoppers. The result was a lower number of big businesses and anchors in the mall and strip mall ghost towns in the city.
     Last year, mall management started on a $60 million dollar redevelopment. This includes a facelift for aging parking decks, relocation of the food court elevators, the revitalization and sale of the Wynfrey hotel and the addition of a new anchor: Von Maur. Included is a facelift for the mall's 19th Century Dentzel Carousel, which is what brought me to posting.
     If you don't live in Birmingham or haven't lived here long you aren't familiar with or can't remember what the Galleria used to be like. Let's start with the ceiling: it is entirely glass skylights. As a visual and architectural wonder, this was a huge attraction and part of the appeal of the mall. Each of the cross members is fitted with a full row of neon lights. They span the mall in three colors depending on the section: red white and blue. There are the giant light towers in the food court with giant radiant white sections at the top and multiple lights up the side of the main tower. Unfortunately, the neons are no longer in use, nor is the full potential of the light towers. The biggest shame, is the absence of the food court fountain.       
     The food court at the mall is open and expansive, especially vertically. At the center court there was a large and impressive fountain. From a ring around the center, ribbons of water were directed to the middle and occasionally a tall stream would erupt upwards. There were tiered sections around the fountain where you could sit and watch it while eating. It was pretty awesome to see and I remember always thinking it was one of the coolest things about the mall.
     Traditionally, the carousel was only in use a few months for the holidays and the fountain was there the rest of the year. I guess at some point management decided that as the fountain cost money and the carousel made money, the fountain would be shut down and the carousel would stay. The effect was that the carousel lost it's uniqueness and appeal and the food court's vertical expanse would never again see the awesome burst of the fountain.
     I was hopeful that as the carousel would be taken down that maybe the fountain would be making a return. I saw this as a hopeful moment, a chance for mall management to capitalize on what could be a potential harm: the lack of the carousel. They could have used the brief return of the fountain as a draw for people like me, people who remember the fountain and it's appeal and who would like to see it again and for their kids to see it too.
     Alas, this was not to be the case. As the carousel was taken down, I talked to a representative of the mall who not only confirmed that the fountain would not be making an appearance but that the entire ring that surrounded it would be filled with concrete. It's a sad day in my opinion and proof that the new management of this retail establishment lacks long term vision. Malls normally have a lifespan of around 20 years and at nearly 30 years, the Galleria is pushing hard with the $60 million redevelopment to beat the odds.
     What they seem to be missing is that to keep the mall vital, you will have to bring back the "wow" factor. Birmingham is not the same city it was in 1986 and the Galleria is now far from the only game in town. People can shop anywhere. What they can't see is that they need to give people a reason to shop there. These draws are often not the retail stores themselves but the things that surround them. This includes things like the fountain.
     I am hopeful but realistically pessimistic for the future of the mall. Let's see what 2013 brings. 

    

Advent Calendar

     The Chocolate Advent Calendar has been a tradition in my family since I was kid. This is the second year for the girls to have them. Every morning, after they find the elf, the girls get the daily chocolate. I make Ruby look for the date door. She does pretty good, occasionally needing a little help.
     Thursday of last week, Ruby was sitting on the counter helping me cook some mac and cheese. I stepped out of the room for literally a few seconds and when I came back she had taken the calendar, opened up one of the day doors and taken out the chocolate. She wasn't quite quick enough to eat it so I took it and set it on the cool side of the stove.
     We had a little talk about waiting for the chocolate and what the calendar was all about. I told her not to do it again and we would put the chocolate back in for the right day. While I was looking for the right door, which I never could find, I just told her we would not let anyone have the chocolate and consider it lesson learned.
     I went to grab the chocolate off the stove and it was gone. I immediately looked at Sailor who had been quiet as could be during the entire ordeal. I bent down and asked "Sailor, do you have the chocolate?" She shook her head. I asked her to open her mouth and she turned and started to walk into the dining room. I grabbed her and opened her mouth and I saw and smelled chocolate. 
     I think we all learned a lesson that day. Ruby learned the meaning of the advent calendar and to never be caught with the candy in your hand. Sailor learned that distraction can be your greatest ally. I learned that sometimes it really is the quiet one you have to watch out for. Kids can be sneaky. I say I'll never let my guard down again but we all know it isn't true.
     

Down With the Sicknes

Everyone in this house is sick...even the dog and the cat. Ok not really, but everyone on two legs is in full blown sick or recovery mode. We have a lot going on this weekend too...here's to hoping we make it.