Friday, January 25, 2013
When you are home with a 1 and a 3 year old all day, you'll hear some scary noises. Things thump, thud, slam and smash. Occasionally your ears will play a trick on you'll hear the sound of scissors that are really just two sheets of paper rubbed together. Or you'll hear the front door close and run outside looking for a child who is actually just playing in their room. Trust me, these things happen.
Even worse, I occasionally hear the older one say things that I am not quite sure I hear correctly and require immediate followup. Phrases like "See Sailor, the cat will fit in the microwave" or "Daddy says it's too high to jump but it's not." Usually I arrive in time to intercept. These are the good ones. On a rare occasion, I'll get one where the damage is already done and there is nothing I can do to reverse it.
Coming full circle, last Saturday the girls were in the bath. I was enjoying a cold one with a friend and my wife was gone for the night. Everything was going really well: the girls were safely occupied, I had some good company and the beer was great. Suddenly this all came screeching to a halt. Ruby walks into the room naked, which is already kind of a shocker, and looks at me and says "Daddy, Sailor pooped in the bath tub."
This isn't quite a moment where your life flashes in front of your eyes but you do kind of get the feeling that your face should be quickly zoomed in on like in the movies. By the time I had registered what she said, my buddy was already laughing hysterically. You think goods friends are there to help. In this case, friends are for laughing at your misfortunes and watching you ineptly try to handle an ugly situation.
I'll spare you the details of what I saw when I got into the bathroom. The solution was pretty easy and consisted mainly of draining and refilling the tub. It did remind me of a similar story I heard first hand a few years back. A mom was running the bath water while her child stood in the tub. She saw he was about to poop and rather than have him ruin the bath water she caught the poop in her hand.
I guess I've got to look on the bright side. As bad as it was, it could have been much worse. What's the expression, a poop in the hand is worth two in the tub?