It's Not What You Think

My wife has great timing. Leave it to her to start a bathroom renovation project the day she gets home from the Snowpocalypse. I'm out picking up our stranded car and running to the grocery store and this is what I come home to. If she hadn't been stuck and away from me for the two days prior she would be really likely to go missing again. Admittedly, she told me this was coming but supposedly not until Spring Break. I guess a random inclement weather day is an acceptable stand-in.

I figured most of you would blame the girls, something like this post. The kids had nothing to do with it, this was all olivia. Just in case you were wondering, this is not the proper way to remove toggle bolts.  

Memories of Color

So Sailor colored on the big screen television last week. No big deal. There was a time under this roof when my reaction to such a thing would not have been so calm. In fact, it reminded me of a previous post from the early days of this blog. Here it is, from December 16, 2011. Enjoy.

Coloring

Ruby likes coloring. She is just now getting to the point where she can stay (almost) in the lines. For a long time she would just make scribbles and furious lines in varying colors all over the paper. When paper got old she started coloring on other things, like the fridge or the couch or her toys. Nothing was safe from her waxy touches of self-expression.

I woke up Wednesday morning and was going about my normal routine. Things were going well, nothing out of the ordinary. Hot coffee, breakfast, computer on, olivia was out the door and Ruby was content with her cereal. Maybe I am partially to blame for what happened. I get distracted by e-mail, facebook, twitter, blogs, etc. I'm going to tell the rest of the story through the text messages that went back and forth between me and the wife. I apologize for the lack of pictures...I was a little distraught and it slipped my mind. For clarity, my texts are in yellow, my wife's in red.


     Me: Ruby colored on the f#%*ing tv...

     olivia: Oh no. 

     Me: Going.to.kill.her.

     olivia: Deep breaths.

     Me. Going

     Me: To

     Me: Kill

     Me: Her.

     olivia: Do I need to come home.

     Me: No, you'll need to be as far away as possible so you don't go down with me. 

     olivia: Remember she's only two. 

     Me: She's about to be zero...

     olivia: You better not hurt my baby. 

     Me: She hurt mine...

     olivia: lol. I'm gonna hurt you.


Thankfully it came out with a paper towel, water, and a little elbow grease. I'm glad we buy the washable, non-permanent crayons and markers. Never a dull moment... 

Passing the Buck Failure

     This story is coming through second hand so forgive me if I butcher the details. Ru and Sailor are really into coloring right now and especially markers. They will find a coloring book, choose a page, ask us to rip it out and then spend a little time coloring in whatever is on the page.
      Occasionally, the marker will get on other things. Nothing major, just the couch, the walls, skin, food, etc. My how far we have come. Anyways, olivia was home with them when she noticed a pair of yellow rain boots had received the marker treatment. It was pretty clear to see who the culprit was.
     olivia got onto Ruby and told her to keep the coloring on the paper. Her quick response was that Sailor had done it, not her. Unless we missed a quick advance in Sailor's writing skills and her ability to spell her sister's name, I feel there must be a little fibbing here. I guess its never to early to learn that if you are going to do something against the rules, make sure you don't leave a trace that it was you. At least she has someone to blame things on. As an only child, there were only so many times I could blame the dog before my folks got wise.
 

Good Advice

     Thanks to some awesome friends, olivia recently jumped feet first into the late 2000's with her first smart phone, an iphone 3gs. She is really stoked on it and like most smart phone folks, she is on it all the time. This past weekend, we went to a restaurant of Ruby's choosing for her birthday. She choose IHOP for their over-sized chocolate funny face pancake which, in case you've never had the good fortune of having one, comes covered in whip cream, cherries and chocolate chips.
     On our way home, olivia realized she was missing something...her new phone. I was bummed because even older iphones aren't normally the kind of things that get turned in and since hers is unlocked, it would be very easy for someone to grab it, insert a sim, and have a nice, gently used iphone. Using my cell, I looked up the number for the IHOP and olivia called. Luckily, the phone had made its way down into the seat cushions and the manager was able to grab it for us so we could go back and retrieve it.
     The whole event had me rather shaken. I just didn't like the thought of olivia losing this phone that we were fortunate to have just received. I just kind of clammed up on the hurried drive back to the restaurant. Ruby, concerned, asked me "Whats wrong dad?"
     I replied that I was just worried about Mommy's phone and still a little upset from the close call. She replied...
     "Its ok dad. The woman has Mommy's phone and its alright. Just chill."
     olivia and I were floored. Ru's comment made us laugh and took the stress right out of the situation. I don't know how these girls developed their habit of doing the right thing at just the right time but they sure can take the edge off. I wish I was better at her casual brand of optimism. I'm hoping it is contagious and that some will brush off on me.   
 

Never turn your back...

Not even for a second.
Different days and objects, Sailor is obsessed with water and loves throwing things in the toilet.
I am ready for this phase to end.

Zhu Zhu

I walked into the bathroom earlier this week after asking the girls to go wash their hands and this is what I saw. I thought it was taking a long time so I went to check in. Roxie, their Zhu Zhu Pet, was soaking wet and covered in soap and suds. I asked Ru what had happened. She said Roxie was dirty and needed a bath. 

She also added "She isn't working anymore, I think she needs new batteries." After being submerged in water and covered in copious amounts of hand soap, she has bigger problems than her batteries. 

Public Service Announcement

Children are curious and prone to exploring. This might also include going through and experimenting with your belongings. If there is anything that is valuable, dangerous or that will leave marks (like the makeup in your purse for example) it is advisable to keep these items out of reach of your children. Failure to do so may produce less than desirable results. 

Back Seat

14 shoes, 12 socks, 3 pacis, 2 toys, 1 sippy and one bandana. 

Maybe we should bring this stuff in more often.

Photodump

Extended the vacation to Monday, it was worth it.

Falling down...

Sailor had her first real bad fall this past weekend. She was getting a little too big for some of her shoes and had to start wearing some new ones. She wasn't quite used to them and was running down the driveway to the car when she took a tumble. Usually she is good about shaking it off but this time she was pretty upset. Over the course of the evening her scrapes looked worse that I initially thought they were but she hasn't complained or let them bother her. My girls are pretty tough and I'm glad. For as active as they are and all the crazy stuff they attempt and get into, a good base of resiliency will be an asset.

Bath Time

     There are times that are universally fun for the girls. Bath time is one of them. They seem to be obsessed with water and so you take a tub full and add some soap and toys and it's just party time. I don't dislike bath time and even if I did, I don't have a choice in the matter. So it is what it is.
     When you are home with a 1 and a 3 year old all day, you'll hear some scary noises. Things thump, thud, slam and smash. Occasionally your ears will play a trick on you'll hear the sound of scissors that are really just two sheets of paper rubbed together. Or you'll hear the front door close and run outside looking for a child who is actually just playing in their room. Trust me, these things happen.
     Even worse, I occasionally hear the older one say things that I am not quite sure I hear correctly and require immediate followup. Phrases like "See Sailor, the cat will fit in the microwave" or "Daddy says it's too high to jump but it's not." Usually I arrive in time to intercept. These are the good ones. On a rare occasion, I'll get one where the damage is already done and there is nothing I can do to reverse it.
     Coming full circle, last Saturday the girls were in the bath. I was enjoying a cold one with a friend and my wife was gone for the night.  Everything was going really well: the girls were safely occupied, I had some good company and the beer was great. Suddenly this all came screeching to a halt. Ruby walks into the room naked, which is already kind of a shocker, and looks at me and says "Daddy, Sailor pooped in the bath tub."
     This isn't quite a moment where your life flashes in front of your eyes but you do kind of get the feeling that your face should be quickly zoomed in on like in the movies. By the time I had registered what she said, my buddy was already laughing hysterically. You think goods friends are there to help. In this case, friends are for laughing at your misfortunes and watching you ineptly try to handle an ugly situation.
     I'll spare you the details of what I saw when I got into the bathroom. The solution was pretty easy and consisted mainly of draining and refilling the tub. It did remind me of a similar story I heard first hand a few years back. A mom was running the bath water while her child stood in the tub. She saw he was about to poop and rather than have him ruin the bath water she caught the poop in her hand.
     I guess I've got to look on the bright side. As bad as it was, it could have been much worse. What's the expression, a poop in the hand is worth two in the tub?

Advent Calendar

     The Chocolate Advent Calendar has been a tradition in my family since I was kid. This is the second year for the girls to have them. Every morning, after they find the elf, the girls get the daily chocolate. I make Ruby look for the date door. She does pretty good, occasionally needing a little help.
     Thursday of last week, Ruby was sitting on the counter helping me cook some mac and cheese. I stepped out of the room for literally a few seconds and when I came back she had taken the calendar, opened up one of the day doors and taken out the chocolate. She wasn't quite quick enough to eat it so I took it and set it on the cool side of the stove.
     We had a little talk about waiting for the chocolate and what the calendar was all about. I told her not to do it again and we would put the chocolate back in for the right day. While I was looking for the right door, which I never could find, I just told her we would not let anyone have the chocolate and consider it lesson learned.
     I went to grab the chocolate off the stove and it was gone. I immediately looked at Sailor who had been quiet as could be during the entire ordeal. I bent down and asked "Sailor, do you have the chocolate?" She shook her head. I asked her to open her mouth and she turned and started to walk into the dining room. I grabbed her and opened her mouth and I saw and smelled chocolate. 
     I think we all learned a lesson that day. Ruby learned the meaning of the advent calendar and to never be caught with the candy in your hand. Sailor learned that distraction can be your greatest ally. I learned that sometimes it really is the quiet one you have to watch out for. Kids can be sneaky. I say I'll never let my guard down again but we all know it isn't true.
     

Wall Art

     It's funny to me how much has changed in the past year. When I first started this crazy stay at home gig, I was very intolerant of things like this and had a fuse so short you'd hear the bang before your foot got down on the first step away. Now, well I wouldn't encourage the kids to be drawing on the walls but I'm not going to flip my lid either.
     I've come to realize that kids are kids and they are going to be kids despite my best efforts. Things like this will happen. Walls will be written on, carpet and furniture will be stained, things will get broken, etc. They are my most prized possessions so as long as they are intact, I don't have much to worry about. I do understand that due to our laid-backness that we will likely find ourselves living with the girls on a pile of demolished rubble by the time they enter the teenage years.
     I took the magic eraser into her room the other day to clean the art off and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Something about it, oddly enough, just made me happy and proud. I think we'll leave it for awhile. Part of me thinks it will be a form of delayed punishment. I imagine that in her teenage years it will be kind of embarrassing for her, almost like we won't have to bother pulling out the baby photos.   

Blue

The ladies that run the Rec Center daycare were nice enough to give the girls some ink stamps to take home to play with. They had a blast with them, inking all over paper and then their arms. Well Sailor thought she would do with the stamp what she does with everything else: put it into her mouth.

We should have known something crazy was going on because when it get too quit, you know you are in trouble. olivia came in to check on them and found blue ink all over Sailor's hands, on her lips and covering her tongue. Thankfully everything for kids is non-toxic these days and we don't worry too much.

For a couple days, you could see it when she would open her mouth, laugh, etc. Kids are awesome.

Fine Art

Ruby has come a long way in her evolution as an artist. Now all her people have arms...
Seriously though, it is interesting to me the way her mind is developing and her recognition of things shows up in her work and she at least has the concept, though not yet the practice, to get her ideas on her canvas of choice.

Above is a picture of the girls and olivia on the swings in our back yard. Even though the swings are not there, the chains coming down are there and I think she gets the idea of how to convey the idea into a picture.

This is a picture of her inside our house. Again, you can see the wheels in motion. She could have just drawn the house and said it was a picture of her in the house but she drew herself to convey the complete concept.  

This is a drawing she did at school with chocolate. There isn't any big concept there, I just dig it. It was hanging a little too low on the fridge and the family dog helped himself to a little.

Oops...

So...I got so busy I never posted the photodump for Friday. Between the 4th, Ruby's Birthday on the 5th, her party on the 7th and another celebration that night and the next day...well it just didn't happen. For those of you who are anxiously waiting, Wednesday's post will not only satisfy your need for photos, it might even be a bit too many photos to take in.

Christmas Eve and The USS Flagg

So it's Christmas Eve, the kids are asleep and the first of many beers have been opened. It is time to start Operation: Fit Plastic Into Plastic aka Operation: Shit, We Don't Have Enough Batteries. There is a decent amount for for me to assemble this year but it could never compare to The USS Flagg.

Yeah, that SOB is longer than the couch.

The Flagg was the GI Joe Battleship playset. The retail cost was $109.99 in 1986, roughly $215.00 today. This was the largest playset available at the time and was over 7.5 feet long. I was eight or nine according to a credible source who was interviewed for this entry (thanks Mom) and I wanted it for Christmas. My parent's hope was that I would lose interest over the span of a year but when I asked for it again, they caved. What followed was a harrowing experience...

The picture at the beginning of this entry is of my father early on in assembly. He started the night before Christmas and continued until it was evident that a single night would not get the job done. The process continued into the following day and covered a span of over eight hours. From my online research, the instruction manual was six pages long with thirty-one steps, each of which may have had as many as four steps unto itself. Two of these pages were dedicated to sticker instructions. You can see the sticker sheet in the photo above. There were two additional sticker sheets of this size to apply.

Mom remembers that my father complained about the quality of the directions. I've looked that them online and they don't seem too bad but I also realize that is easy to say twenty-five years later when I'm not sitting in front of literally hundreds of little plastic parts that I have to make a seven foot aircraft carrier out of. My father also had to work on Christmas, the last thing you would want to do after a night and morning like this one. Dad said if he knew the trouble it would have been he would not have bought it for me. He listed this as his worst Christmas ever...

To me, this was the most awesome Christmas ever! Other kids in the neighborhood could have cared less about what was under their trees...we wore this thing out. It was so big we kept it on a bed in a spare room. That's right, this toy had it's own bed in our house. It's kind of a bragging right to say that you had it, some people don't even believe me (kind of like when you say you beat Ghosts 'n Goblins on NES, but that's another story). A cook at a restaurant near the house I grew up in has made reference to the Flagg when talking to Mom about times he came to the house to hang out as a child.

At some point the fun wore off and the playset, which broke into sections, was moved to the basement. It was later sold at a garage sale for $25.00. Mom says that Dad joked that there was a thousand dollars of labor thrown in for free. It had to be loaded into the buyer's station wagon in pieces, an event that a part of me seems to remember after talking to my mom about it. On a side note, this toy has become a Holy Grail of sorts for collectors. A bad example with missing pieces and no box will sell for $500.00. A complete set, in the box, may go for a thousand or more.

Parents will do damn near anything to make their kids happy. I'm not looking forward to the assembly I have to do this weekend but I know how much it meant to me as a kid to have those things on Christmas morning and I want to give that feeling to my children. I also want them to know the REAL meaning of Christmas and the feeling of love and family. I hope you are able to share all of these things with your children and loved ones this weekend.

 Merry Christmas!