So the results are in, I'm shooting blanks. There goes my chance at making a fool of myself dancing on the stage on the Maury Show after the results are unveiled. Actually, maybe now is a better time than ever to go because I know I'll get to dance. I'll also get to make up my own crazy percentage: "I am one million nine-hundred thousand eight-hundred and seventy-eight percent sure I'm not the father!" Even though it is no longer taped in New York I'll take a free trip to Connecticut.
Yeah, I know where Maury is taped. You think I'm kidding about all this?