The Elf on the Mantle

     Yep, it is that time again. Thanksgiving's stuffed and bloated behind is barely through the door when Christmas comes along providing the swift, jolly kick to push it through. Poor Thanksgiving. If there is a red-headed step child amongst the holidays, it truly is you. Smart money says if we started giving gifts at Thanksgiving, its reputation would be vastly improved. Certainly Thanksgiving's PR rep thought of this and realized America did not need two Black Fridays in a single year. 
      After lunch we were in such a rush to be merry after our eating and drinking that we watched the new Elf on the Shelf movie, An Elf's Story. Speaking of PR reps, if there was anything that could guarantee that an elf would appear on every shelf in America it was an animated film. If this was not already a certifiable cultural phenomenon, the deal has been sealed. Our girls have been going nuts over this one asking to watch it again and again, good prep work now that our elf has arrived. More or less a half hour commercial, the movie teaches the kids about the importance of not touching the elf and the important part, that he is Santa's spy. 
     I'm not sure at what point Santa became so involved in espionage. Actually, it kind of begs the question, what gave the Elf on the Shelf people the right to re-write or alter the Christmas mythology? I mean, what would be to stop me from saying "all right, lets not forget the part of Christmas where everyone sends me $29.95." More or less, that is what they have done. They came up with a very clever way to make money off the holiday. I don't remember anything in the carols about these elves being a part of Santa's omnipresent nature. That and I fear that one day my Children will realize that if the elf isn't around they don't have to worry about behaving.
     All that said, next year I am going to release my own version, The Elf on the Mantle. The only difference will be that my elves are in your home year round so you can keep your kids in check. Instead of Christmas garb their will be a whole line of clothes for different holidays throughout the year. We'll even have outfits for Thanksgiving.